Tag Archives: birthday

Embrace the Mess

MAY 1ST YALL!

If you know anything about me- May 1st is my favorite along with May 30th, my birthday.  Since my 18th birthday, birthdays have been a huge deal for me, both good and bad. I’m not kidding when I tell you that God always does something crazy in my life as my birthday comes up. I have learned so many lessons as each year passes and sometimes, I make them more difficult because…. HELLO?! Human. And other times, I simply ride the waves and accept the lesson. Nonetheless, I am in the middle of learning something now, and it’s no coincidence that my birthday is in 29 days.

I have been so overwhelmed with my mess. I look at the people around me, friendships, church family, social media, etc. and I think to myself “why can’t I be more like them? why am I such a mess?”

I am tired of trying to change myself to match others.

I know that life isn’t supposed to be all tears, all drama, all indecisive, but the truth is that is where I am, and that has to be okay because it’s temporary. It’s so hard to admit that you are not 100% okay and that you are still a little broken, still a little confused, still a little mess. But then why would I need God? The whole process of healing, of forgiving, of moving on, of letting go, of growing doesn’t happen over night. That’s why it’s called a PROCESS.

I was thinking all day yesterday about who I wanted to be this year, what I wanted to accomplish, what I wanted to let go of, what I wanted 23 to be about.

And I realized it’s so easy to try and change everything I hate about myself in 4 weeks, key word, TRY. But let’s be real…. I’m gonna be exhausted, still the same girl, and only bitter that I wasted my entire month. So instead, I am going to accept who I am, where I am at, and just focus on each day that passes, as I look to my goals. People around me are always challenging me, making me better, and correcting me so that I am the best me I can be. This isn’t a bad thing. But it is easy to get wrapped up in trying to be the best leader tomorrow, the ministry director at 3:00pm, pastor at 3:01pm. And I always want to speed up the process and just get it done already, but then I am reminded there is beauty is the whole thing, not just the destination.

So here are the things I struggle with. Filtered and controlled, they serve a purpose but regardless, I will choose to love myself where I am today.

  1. I talk too much…. But this is such a gift because I will always have something to talk about & not be afraid to get on a mic and talk away. I am almost positive that others wish they could talk as easily as it comes to me.
  2. I’m too intense…. but you will always know where I am, you will never have to doubt what I am feeling or where I stand because I will be very clear. I am passionate about everything I do and what a great way to live life, passionately.
  3. I love too hard….. When did this become a bad thing?!
  4. I can’t make up my mind about anything….. I am so creative and such a quick learner, I can have a million options on anything and what a beautiful thing to never be stuck.
  5. I am too sensitive…. Which I am thankful for today because after everything life has thrown, what a beautiful reminder that my heart has not grown cold and hard.

These are just a few of the things on my heart. I’m sure there is more but instead of looking for more reasons to change myself, I choose to embrace where I am today and what I want to accomplish this year of 23. I cannot tell you how excited I am for this new year. It’s the middle of other huge ages like 21 and 25, but God can move, stretch, and grow anytime He desires.

IMG_1019

I will embrace who I am this year. I will embrace my calling, the love God has for me. I will embrace my dreams, my friendships, my seasons, the waves, and run hard after who I was created to be. My life can be messy, chaotic, adventurous, all at once but I choose to embrace the mess.

Romans 10:10-11 says “With your whole being you embrace God setting things right, and then you say it, right out loud: “God has set everything right between him and me!” Scripture reassures us, “No one who trusts God like this – heart and soul – will ever regret it.”” (MSG)

I don’t know if you are having a birthday this month, but I do know that you too may struggle with accepting who you are, just like I do. I want to remind you that it is by grace, by faith you are saved. We embrace everything God is when we believe that He has the power to save us, and that fact continues as we grow and as He guides us to be who we are created to be. Change your perspective and allow those things you hate about yourself to be the very things that launch you into your destiny!

Just like scripture reminds us, no one who trusts God, heart and soul, will ever regret it.

Embrace the mess as you dance in His love.

xx,

Leslie Tatiana

Processed with VSCO with t1 presetProcessed with VSCO with t1 presetProcessed with VSCO with t1 presetProcessed with VSCO with t1 preset

| Wedges: JustFab (similar) | Jeans: Abercrombie & Fitch (similar) |

| Blouse: Forever 21 (similar) | Necklace & Shades: Charming Charlie |

The Power of a Single Mom

Growing up, I was always jealous of my friends who had dads. I would go to Limited TOO (LOL) or to any clothing store really and the shirt “Daddy’s Little Girl” would pierce my heart and I would think to myself, “why am I not good enough for a dad?”

Daddy. Dad. Father. Papi. Pa. STRANGE WORDS. Because I didn’t grow up using these words, they are a cluster of empty words I cannot comprehend. The words have no meaning for me except they leave behind a feeling of emptiness and though I am ignorant to the word, it has had such a power over me. I’ve known no different. I used to believe that maybe I wasn’t loved, or that maybe I was the lucky name that got drawn out of the life hat that decided “hmm this girl won’t have a dad”. Though now, I am two months away from 23, I understand that it didn’t happen this way but rather it was a mix of actions, feelings, decisions, people and simply human nature that led to me not grow up with a father. Nonetheless, my heart still stings when I come face to face with a Daddy’s little girl, or when Father’s Day comes around and I am left at church standing alone as everyone goes to pray with their daddies, holding back the flood of tears that so desperately want out.

I wish I could tell you that not having a dad doesn’t affect me and that there aren’t tears wanting to race down my cheeks as I write this, that there isn’t a knot in my throat that is making me hold my breath as I type…. Sadly it isn’t true. I am constantly in a process of healing, of anger, of forgiveness, of reconciliation,

healing…anger…forgiveness….reconciliation…

healing.anger.forgiveness.reconciliation.

 and one of trusting that my Heavenly and perfect Father is not man to fail me, that He is not man to forsake me, and that He is actually very much a lover of me.

But today I want to focus on the parent I do have. I have been so privileged to grow up as mommy’s princess. My mom, since I can remember, has been my entire world. I have seen her strong, yet so tender. I have seen her quiet and patient, yet firm and a discipliner. And through it all she has loved my brother and I so well. I have never lacked or not had a roof over my head because she always made it happen.

I do not know what it is like to be a mom because I am not in that season yet, but I do know what it is like to have a single mom who has been victorious. The Lord knew what he was doing when He gave me my mom. She has guided me and loved me through every season. I was the angry child who hated the world, the rebellious teenager who hated her mom and was sent to the assistant principal’s office every day, and now I am the young adult figuring out my finances and my career and my love life and through it all, she is supportive. I can’t imagine what my life would be without her and I never want to imagine my world without her.

I am strong and bold and fierce and adventurous and loved because of how my mom chose to stay, because she chose to be around, because she chose me.

You see, God knows how to turn bad situations around. This fatherless girl grew up with the best mom possible. And though society came against her, finances lacked at times, overtime at work was a must, and she grew weary, she fought the fight. This is the power of a single mom. To take the resources you DO have, despite what has happened and who has walked out, and use them to raise little people who will one day become adults.

9ce63707a1d8b08f10651b59bc7ebe48

Mom, I love you. Happy Birthday! I rise and call you blessed. I pray that you may have 100 more years here on this earth and an eternity in heaven. You are amazing and 43 has never looked so good. I am blessed to call you mom and I am so thankful for what you’ve done for us and how you continue to take care of us. I am a little mad that you are vegetarian now because now I am always hungry LOL Chicken Tenders for life.

You have helped me dance in His love ❤

IMG_5100IMG_5099